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Descendinge stairs into Starters and Puds and you could easilymagine you have walked into a Michael Caine heist movie. From the entrance the former bank vault splits into a sprawling maze of rooms, each with their own distinct style from sumptuous oak panelling to Victorian iron columns and of course barrel-vaulted ceilings.  They have made the most of the surroundings creating a series of cosy, light hearted spaces. It is this playfulness that defines the place, from the food to the staff, and it is all the better for it. No po-faced seriousness here.

Hidden down a side street next to the Theatre Royal, the restaurant is primarily intented for people to drop in for a light bite and a glass of wine before a show. As the name would suggest the menu consists of starters and desserts, but it’s not all piddly little finger foods. Though the portions are small, you can expect to find some substantial offerings such as meatballs, steaks, and fish and chips. The constantly changing a la carte menu also tempts with a mouthwatering variety of treats. If one dish isn’t enough to satify then they are cheap enough to order a few, and don’t forget the yummy puds.

I settled for the roast belly of organic rare breed pork with apple tarte tatin and shared some home made garlic bread and sweet potato wedges roasted with baby shallots, garlic and rosemary. The food was superb, and creatively presented. My pork looked like one of those dermal cross sections you see in biology books, as if it had been cut out of the pig with a big square cookie cutter! The meat was beautifully tender and the apple tarte complimented the taste perfectly. The glazed lemon tart with winter berry compote was equally delicious, in fact all the food I have eaten there since has been superb.

The staff are great, friendly but professional, chatty but not intrusive. They seem to have a passion for the place themselves, it could just be an act but if so then it’s a very good one. The prices are good too, averaging around £6-7 for a starter (really a main course) and £4-5 for a dessert, very reasonable given the quality of the food. Even the bar is well stocked. Any negative point’s are really just quibbles; The slightly run down look of the stairs as you first enter, the fact that the vaulted rooms aren’t quite as cosy as the others. Very minor nit-picks.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed from this review but I love Starters and Puds! They’ve remembered what so many others have forgotten; That first and foremost dining out should be fun. From the warm friendly surroundings to the menu that seems to consist entirely of comfort food, Starters and Puds is the ideal place to put your feet up and relax with a quality meal. I just hope to god they do a bank robber swag themed night!

Food Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Service Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Ambiance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Value for Money Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall Rating: 4.13 out of 5 stars
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How to peel an orange in one (With a knife)

1. Select an orange and briskly roll it around on a flat surface to loosen the skin and make it easier to peel.
2. Find a sharp knife, with a pointy end (not a butter knife).  – You might want to ask a grown-up for help with this.
3. Hold the orange with one hand and the knife with the other. Insert the pointy edge of the knife into the top of the orange peel, around where the navel is.
4. Rotate the orange with one hand while holding the knife steady with the other, pulling the knife gently towards your body in order to create a spiralled, curling orange peel.
5. Keep the width of the orange peel large enough, so that your peel will remain in one piece.
6. Eat orange.

Yes, I know you aren’t supposed to cut towards yourself. Attempt this method at your own risk.

Source: wikiHow – How to peel an orange in one peel

How to peel an orange in one (With only the power of your bare hands)

1. Select an orange and briskly roll it around on a flat surface to loosen the skin and make it easier to peel.
2. Dig your thumb about an inch below the little button where the stalk used to be. When your thumb has penetrated beneath the peel, rotate your thumb in a counterclockwise downward spiral.
3. Don’t rush, or you’ll botch it.
4. Think of your thumb as a crank-operated potato peeler.
5. Continue until the bottom of the orange then pop the flesh out from the peel.
6. Eat orange.

Source: Times Online – The lost art of eating an orange.

Watch other people peel an orange in one

This guy is clearly an expert at peeling an orange in one. Just look at him go, ninja stylee!

On arrival at the Longhirst Hall hotel and conference centre we were a little daunted by the imposing building. I am physically incapable of looking smart and was wondering if we were a little underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully the disappointingly mundane interior didn’t live up to the external grandeur, and I didn’t feel at all uncomfortable in my scruffy jeans and t-shirt.

Unfortunately the restaurant wasn’t open yet but a member of staff redirected us to the bar where we could order something from the lunch menu. After 15 minutes wandering around the maze of corridors we eventually discovered the door to The Orangery was actually right next door to the restaurant and entered to find the same girl behind the bar wearing a most perplexed expression.

The morgue like atmosphere should have warned us. We should have turned straight around and gone elsewhere but we were weary and famished after a day of walking. When I say morgue, perhaps squash court would be a more apt description. That kind of boxy space with echoing accoustics that make your voice boom in the silence.

Sitting in the uncomfortably low seats we struggled to place our drinks on the even lower table so we could study the menu… Which didn’t take long as unless you’re after a sandwich there’s not a lot to choose from. We ordered the Northumberland cheddar macaroni with smoked ham and tomato and organic beef burger with toasted bap red onion marmalade and beef marinated chips and waited, the silence only occasionally broken by whispered conversations of the few other patrons.

The food came and was distinctly mediocre, the macaroni cheese bland and tasteless, the burger was alright but the chips were undercooked and stacking them in a log cabin type arrangement really didn’t make them taste any better!

To be fair the food wasn’t that bad, just disappointing, though it didn’t really matter as we attacked it with a nervous vigour and swilled down our drinks, desperate to make our escapes. The walls were closing in, the silence becoming oppressive and the suspicion was growing that they wanted rid of us so the squash could start.

We will go back and try the Boyson restaurant. The surroundings looked nicer and the menu more extensive, though if the food isn’t any better then I won’t be happy. I appreciate that The Orangery is intended mainly for the hotel guests to grab a bite to eat but if I was a guest there I think I would probably try to find a KFC instead.

Food Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Service Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Ambiance Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Value for Money Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Overall Rating: 2.13 out of 5 stars

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Being a suave and sophisticated, worldly gentleman I know how to show a lady a good time. This is how a female acquaintance and I happened to find ourselves in KFC one evening in the Gateshead MetroCentre. KFC is of course the imported American fried chicken fast food outlet that used to be called Kentucky Fried Chicken (which was shortened presumably to fit better on the buckets). The entire operation lorded over by the jolly face of Colonel Sanders… Whoever he is. Nobody “does” chickens like the colonel apparently, well we all know about those Southern states don’t we? Now I must be honest, this wasn’t the first time we had visited. Far from it, we have in fact visited several times which I feel lends this review a certain authority that could otherwise be lacking.

As usual there was quite a queue, understandable as I’m sure you can appreciate what a lengthy business it is shoving a couple of chicken legs in a box. The delay gave me time to assess the decor. I must say I felt like one of the colonels chickens under an array of bright hanging downlighters like the heating lamps over a chicken’s cage. The whole place was bathed in that ubiquitous “make-the-food-look-more-appetising” yellow. At least the establishment was reasonably clean (not that most of the stripy jumpered clientele would notice) whereas some the other branches I have visited were pretty scruffy. This is because only half the tables ever seem to be in use, the other half closed off for cleaning, it’s a good thing you have to queue to get in or you wouldn’t be able to find a seat. Please note that the cleanliness doesn’t stretch to the toilets, my advice to you is to cross your legs.

The staff members are generally friendly though not always too bright. If you are taking your food away it’s worth checking your order before you leave. The menu offers all conceivable variations on the fried chicken theme with a multitude of meal deals enticing you to eat twice as much as you really need for only a little bit more money than you would have otherwise spent. Speaking of which, the prices are very cheap. I opted for the snazzily titled wicked zinger meal consisting of a zinger chicken burger, 2 hot wings, side order of beans, fries and pop for only £4 odd. I managed to resist the offer to “go large”, I’m quite large enough already thanks, or to “tower up” (stick a hash brown in your burger). The zinger part refers to the not altogether unpleasant tingling (or burning if you get them on a bad day) sensation you are left with on your lips. A worthy substitute for flavour I’m sure. Of course KFC, like most fast food joints, are doing their bit for the environment by shunning the old fashioned concept of plates and instead serving your food in a bewildering array of cardboard boxes. What a concept, why waste time washing plates when you can throw away your own slice of our worlds dwindling supply of trees?

And that’s the rub, fast food sucks. Bad food, bad corporate ethics, bad manners. Fast food is like crack for kids and the global fast food chains are the dealers. I despise everything it stands for…

…And yet I keep coming back to KFC. I can’t help it, it’s a guilty pleasure. I wouldn’t touch MacDonalds and I would only go to Burger King if I absolutely had to have instant food and that’s all that was available, or if I had one of my inexplicable cravings for their onion rings. I know KFC is bad, I know the mangy chickens had miserable mistreated lives, but when I bite into them and the fat dribbles down my chin, an unwelcome voice whispers in my ear that they died for a good cause.

So would I recommend KFC? No of course not, go eat some proper food. But if you do go then I can’t say a wordagainst you. While KFC is fast food, at least you do get the feeling you are eating real meat. KFC is very low down the food ladder but it’s not quite on the bottom rung and if you want stupidly cheap instant food you could do worse (cough-MacDonalds-cough), just don’t tell anyone you went!

Food Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Service Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Ambiance Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Value for Money Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

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