This was supposed to be a review of the Boyson restaurant at Longhirst Hall. We had been up to see Warkworth Castle and were attracted by the Boyson’s boast of locally sourced ingredients and “real honest food produced by passionate people”. Mmm, lovely.
On arrival at the Longhirst Hall hotel and conference centre we were a little daunted by the imposing building. I am physically incapable of looking smart and was wondering if we were a little underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully the disappointingly mundane interior didn’t live up to the external grandeur, and I didn’t feel at all uncomfortable in my scruffy jeans and t-shirt.
Unfortunately the restaurant wasn’t open yet but a member of staff redirected us to the bar where we could order something from the lunch menu. After 15 minutes wandering around the maze of corridors we eventually discovered the door to The Orangery was actually right next door to the restaurant and entered to find the same girl behind the bar wearing a most perplexed expression.
The morgue like atmosphere should have warned us. We should have turned straight around and gone elsewhere but we were weary and famished after a day of walking. When I say morgue, perhaps squash court would be a more apt description. That kind of boxy space with echoing accoustics that make your voice boom in the silence.
Sitting in the uncomfortably low seats we struggled to place our drinks on the even lower table so we could study the menu… Which didn’t take long as unless you’re after a sandwich there’s not a lot to choose from. We ordered the Northumberland cheddar macaroni with smoked ham and tomato and organic beef burger with toasted bap red onion marmalade and beef marinated chips and waited, the silence only occasionally broken by whispered conversations of the few other patrons.
The food came and was distinctly mediocre, the macaroni cheese bland and tasteless, the burger was alright but the chips were undercooked and stacking them in a log cabin type arrangement really didn’t make them taste any better!
To be fair the food wasn’t that bad, just disappointing, though it didn’t really matter as we attacked it with a nervous vigour and swilled down our drinks, desperate to make our escapes. The walls were closing in, the silence becoming oppressive and the suspicion was growing that they wanted rid of us so the squash could start.
We will go back and try the Boyson restaurant. The surroundings looked nicer and the menu more extensive, though if the food isn’t any better then I won’t be happy. I appreciate that The Orangery is intended mainly for the hotel guests to grab a bite to eat but if I was a guest there I think I would probably try to find a KFC instead.
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Oh, I’ve played tennis there (well not in the restaurant of course).
Anyhow, I seem to have beaten you to the post!
Strangely enough the lounge where we had our food reminded me of a squash court. It’s not going to be a flattering review… When I get around to writing it. Who would have thought what a time consuming business this blogging could be?
So… did you have to eat your own outfit? Or is there more? Intriguing… I wonder if you noticed the Warkworth House Hotel next door. They have gourmet seafood nights once a month or so, which apparently you have to book in advance because they’re so popular. By the way this is a sponsored review. I’m being paid in tinned lobster and space invaders.
Which makes me think – any chance of a review of retro food like space invaders still on the market?
Thanks, I may avoid this although I do enjoy the odd game of squash now and again so maybe the atmosphere would be appreciable to my palette.